he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
