It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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