Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
