I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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