last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I supernannyed him into submission
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
