i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
