Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
