This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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