I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
