Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
