I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
