I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
