Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
