he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Randomize
