I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
