At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
