4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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