so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Sober January is a disaster.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
