Texts From Last Night

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  (254): View more from Texas

  oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.

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  (254): oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all. http://tfl.nu/jllt
  Replies (26) Good night (893) Bad night (3784)
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  (585): View more from New York

  My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.

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  (585): My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life. http://tfl.nu/28dk
  Replies (54) Good night (1726) Bad night (4794)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.

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  (601): you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans. http://tfl.nu/q9cz
  Replies (20) Good night (1880) Bad night (7418)
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  (925): View more from California

  DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR

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  (925): DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR http://tfl.nu/ynfk
  Replies (42) Good night (11335) Bad night (1543)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.

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  (970): We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers. http://tfl.nu/cjb4
  Replies (10) Good night (4011) Bad night (1395)
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  (619): View more from California

  Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem

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  (619): Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem http://tfl.nu/oy3i
  Replies (7) Good night (970) Bad night (1895)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.

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  (781): i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens. http://tfl.nu/yex4
  Replies (6) Good night (1415) Bad night (638)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.

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  (731): He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver. http://tfl.nu/fyob
  Replies (8) Good night (2192) Bad night (617)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.

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  (+44): So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me. http://tfl.nu/ocor
  Replies (1) Good night (629) Bad night (850)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?

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  (540): I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey? http://tfl.nu/z446
  Replies (9) Good night (2558) Bad night (643)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities

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  (646): Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities http://tfl.nu/7b3i
  Replies (4) Good night (948) Bad night (538)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.

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  (708): He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro. http://tfl.nu/6fem
  Replies (12) Good night (537) Bad night (1221)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....

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  (860): A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home.... http://tfl.nu/sz76
  Replies (4) Good night (571) Bad night (404)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.

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  (412): You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground. http://tfl.nu/gfvp
  Replies (3) Good night (767) Bad night (414)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.

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  (262): Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly. (215): I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life. http://tfl.nu/r8y6
  Replies (6) Good night (1645) Bad night (398)

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