I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...