The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
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You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
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the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.