Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage