If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine