so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
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And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.