Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
