PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
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No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
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All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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