I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
