I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
