dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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