Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
