she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
