Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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