You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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