The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
