he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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