We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
