god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
