Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
