Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
