My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
