I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
