Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
