the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
