ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
