Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
