Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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