I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
