everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
