I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
