I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
