I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
