i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Drunk is not a location!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
