It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
