he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
