I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
