I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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