Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
