I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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