Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
