I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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