Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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