its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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