Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
