Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
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Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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