I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
