I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
